Does anyone here, um, not take drugs? Anyone? Show of hands?

The guy I like belongs to this social fraternity that has a reputation for manufacturing fake IDs and pot-smokers (for the Singaporeans: marijuana). Well, pot-smokers exist in every fraternity, but in this one particularly.

Does everyone in America have an addiction to drugs? Is it like losing your virginity in the 60s? Has it become a way of life?

Last winter, when I came back to Singapore, I sorted out my thoughts about P. and Americans in general.

In a perfect world, in a sphere that exists only on emotions and intellectual connections and free spirits and love, colour doesn't matter. Everyone should be able to talk with one another, be friends, hook up, do whatever. Multi-racial harmony? Go for it. Inter-racial marriage? Why not?

It had to do with love. It was all love. Love conquers all. Love bridges all skin colours.

Go love.

I swore to myself that skin colour did not count. But it does. It does because skin colour is not about love. Skin colour is about growing up in separate environments, with separate values and beliefs and social norms. Sometimes, these norms and values and beliefs intertwine - who doesn't want freedom to be educated, who doesn't want respect, who doesn't want 72 flavours of ice-cream?

And sometimes they don't.

Like the rampant drug use and the irresponsibility; naivete, insularity, lack of education. And just when I think I find someone who looks vaguely nice, he just has to belong to some group known for getting high on weed.

Perhaps I shouldn't stereotype. After all, I belong to a social group that is well-known for equally lax views on drugs, alcohol and sex. Hell, after rock stars, we practically perpetrated the entire Bohemian, self-indulgence movement. I am an anomaly. Perhaps he is?

I can't do this anymore. Everyone looks so normal on the surface until I find out that they're really into hallucinogenic substances.

Am I wrong in saying this? I feel like I'm living a double standard. I was raised to believe that druggies should be killed. I still believe that today. But here, they walk around freely; they are my friends and my crushes. They are normal until they start getting high.

Why can't I just like a regular, nice Asian boy from home who was raised on his mummy's ayam buah keluak, wants three children, a stable income, a house and a car and has conservative, orthodox views? I believe the theory in Mammon Inc. states that I am a square peg in a round hole.

I don't belong anywhere.
I don't think like a conservative.
I don't think like a liberal.
I'm not the right colour.
I'm not in the right place.
Will I ever find the right place?

Germany, I miss you.